Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
