Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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