I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
