Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Let's paint friendship bongs
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
