The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
