I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
