are you still at the devil's house?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
