how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
