i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
