There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm passing your future prison.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
