He is an equal opportunity slut.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
