dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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