once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
