you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
