Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
