so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
