worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
