Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize