drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
