Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
