That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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