just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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