I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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