Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
