That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
