Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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