I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
