thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes