i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize