no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
reminds me of losing my job
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.