So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
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You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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