he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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