I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I could fuck to npr.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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