I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
