If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
