I wish I only lived at night.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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