Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
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You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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