Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
