His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
