Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
