What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
