So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
