I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
