Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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