i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
