im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
