Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
