so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
