Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
