Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
