Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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