WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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