we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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