Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
