we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
