Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize