I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
