i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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