walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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