1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
