Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
