I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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