You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I didn't notice because vodka
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
