i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
