Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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