susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
