Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
