I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
