K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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