I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
