I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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