I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
